What will the reader gain from your book?

The book offers hope for the one who wants to forgive an offense, explains how God grows that forgiveness and shares some help for the adventure of forgiving. I would love to tell you about each one of the three sections in this book, but that is why it’s in print. The heart of the book shares how God grows six stages of forgiveness. Personal examples of others or from my own life illustrate the biblical principles and insights that are shared.

Why did you write the book?

In twenty-nine years of pastoral ministry, no other human need has emerged from my counseling practice more than forgiving others. Healing for a hurt relationship always involves forgiving but often a person would rather get revenge. Bitterness and self-pity are the foremost obstacles to healing broken relationships. I have been encouraged to share more widely these ideas about forgiving others to help more people find freedom from anger.

When did you first start teaching the six stages of forgiveness?

About seventeen years ago. The concepts grew out of pastoral counseling ministry and my own journey with Christ through life’s hurts.

Who is WinePress publishing?

WinePress has been an innovator in the Christian custom publishing market since 1991, with a solid reputation for integrity and excellence. They have played a recognized role in boosting the credibility of the entire Christian self-publishing industry and have been known to place quality as a high priority. Another author in my extended family commended WinePress to me as a great publisher. They have provided insightful editors and very fine graphic designers, all of whom contributed significantly to the production of the book. The publisher offers three labels and the one under which I published Six Stages of Forgiving Others is Pleasant Word.

What is the gist of the book?

The main idea I hope readers will grasp is that forgiving others is God’s achievement in us by grace. Too many people become frustrated with an inability to authentically forgive others and give up on it. When we abandon the goal of forgiveness we settle for less and resign ourselves to coping with a dissatisfying relationship or we harbor bitterness and hate. People don’t prefer hatred or want to settle for emotionally distant relationships but no other alternative seems possible. The good news of the gospel is that with God all things are possible. Jesus Christ offers God’s grace to forgive those who hurt us most.

Why is forgiving others so easy to say but so difficult to do?

Human beings are created to learn, which requires memory. Therefore, we associate hurtful incidents with a person or the people we encountered. Usually these individuals are close family members or colleagues at work. We are tempted to rehearse the hurt every time we encounter that person or anyone else with a similar personality. Even if we could distance ourselves from the offender, we cannot remove ourselves from our painful memories and that is why feelings of revenge surface so readily. Unavoidable memories pose the dilemma. The solution is the grace of God that is more than sufficient to disarm the memories, without diminishing our ability to learn.

How has your book’s message helped you?

A minister’s life and work places one in the hub of a large web of relationships. Pastors and their spouses give their hearts away to many people and the countless interactions allow for many misunderstandings and personal failure. The more closely we relate to people the greater the opportunity for betrayal, rejection or dispassionate slight, all of which hurt. Many pastors withdraw from people as a defense against further emotional pain and eventually leave the ministry. No vocation suffers a greater attrition among its professional ranks. Learning to forgive others has enabled me to keep loving and giving my best to people, the church and the community.

Is there any reference to someone or something of local interest?

Yes. My wife and I have been a part of this community for twenty-one years and there are several vague references to my experiences in Vincennes. Naturally, the names are omitted and the situations are veiled in generalities to protect everyone concerned. However, I do share one incident of forgiving others from the life of a very dear Christian man who passed away about one year ago. I used only first names so that only those who knew him would recognize the person in the account. It is shared with permission from the one who shared the account with me. I do hope that his life and Christian testimony will be honored and remembered through the telling of his story. Furthermore, I shared the tragic story of my childhood friend, Alan, whose murderer was forgiven by his parents. The chapter about his story was reviewed by Mrs. Littman and she added her testimony of God continuing grace to forgive. Becoming reacquainted with Mrs. Littman has been one of my great blessings of this project.

What motivated you to author a book?

At this point in my life, I want to share more broadly that which God has entrusted to me. I believe God has given us the scripture, from which I draw the principles about forgiving others and also has imparted insights into the adventure of doing so. The six stages, which form the middle section of the book, came into focus for me as I was praying about my counsel to a couple in a traumatized marriage. The stages helped the hurt one restore complete love and respect and led the way to a thorough, long-lasting relational healing. The ideas have helped many others since then. There are some things that occur in marriage which can never be compensated, but only forgiven. Learning to forgive each other can save marriages and families, business ventures and churches.

What insights will a reader gain from your book?

In this book the reader will learn:

• The meaning of forgiveness
• The human need and problem of forgiveness
• The natural problem of grudges
• The six stages of forgiveness
• The power of preemptive forgiveness
• How much time forgiveness will take, and more.

What is involved in publishing such a book?

I began writing the book in 2007. Two individuals from my congregation, Susan Broerman and Beth Davis, served as readers and editors and made important suggestions for content and expression. After six drafts, I submitted the manuscript to various publishers and Wine Press publishing was one of two subsidiary publishers who pursued the project. I submitted the book for copyright and also publishing in March 2009. The manuscript was reviewed by five layers of editors, each of whom proposed revisions and made corrections. Thereupon, the document was typeset and I had to review the entire manuscript again, several times. I made more corrections and improvements with each step. After about ten readings and revisions since submitting it to publishing, I authorized the print-ready copy at the end of December. Now the book is in print and they plan to deliver by this weekend. God-willing, the book will be released on February 21st.

Do you offer seminars or classes on the subject for those who want to hear you speak on the subject?

I share a three-session seminar about forgiving others and have preached a five-sermon series on the subject. I have certainly shared the heart of the book in one thirty-minute sermon or conference talk. Each time, people found freedom from deeply harbored anger and shared stories of how God has released them from a long-standing grudge.

Is it really possible to forgive someone who has inflicted great hurt or damage to our lives?

The book’s opening story will leave no doubt in the reader’s mind that God can grow forgiveness, even miraculously, in the face of any kind of harm or pain. The story is about a very close high-school friend of mine, who was an only child. He was tragically murdered. His parents’ merciful response serves as a monument of grace for me. “What is impossible with men is possible with God,” said Jesus, and so it is.